On Your Mark

As far as Thanksgivings go, this was truly one of the best I can remember. Possibly because I hadn't shared the day with anyone in two years, and possibly because I realized how much I have to be thankful for over the past year but whatever the reasons, I enjoyed myself and was more grateful than the past. I want to remind myself to be thankful on a daily basis, find at least one thing, rather than wait for one day out of the year.

I could go on and on with a list of things I no longer want to take for granted, but let's just say that good food, good wine, and good people were enough to pack into the day. There are few crowds I can feel comfortable in, so when new people are introduced I'm always apprehensive. I remember the feeling of being away from home during holidays so I was hoping John found our family welcoming, and he certainly seemed to. A funny kid who made the atmosphere very lighthearted. It felt like home to me and I couldn't have really asked for anything more. And my apple pie was pretty kick-ass if I do say so myself.

Going into the holidays this time of year I get very nostalgic. I want to surround myself with things that remind me of being a kid and growing up. I tend to go full speed into it and want others to join me. Hopefully they're up for the ride.

Better Than Neutral

I have been very much in denial about reverse culture shock. I spent twenty-four years here in the States, and one year in Asia, meaning the former should heavily outweigh the latter. These things should feel normal, and the first month at home I did feel normal. I have been so excited to indulge in all the luxuries that have come with my return, that I haven't really paid any attention as to how or where I was going to fit. It's mostly out and about, crowds, and especially at work I find myself feeling slightly disoriented, literally. Being thrown into 8 or 9 hour days with co-workers and customers is a whole different scenario than lying on the couch with pizza or nachos. I felt the first bit of being overwhelmed when I walked into Target and the grocery store, but I was too enthralled and could leave after I soaked in enough for the day. A part of me deeply misses Korea - the children, the culture, the explorations, even the solitude. As odd as it sounds, I was able to get lost there. There was was a freedom I had over there, and just as I had to adjust to that, I am having to adjust to some of the same things I left behind, as well as
another new chapter. That, again, is wonderfully exciting and scary at the same time.

The Rise and Fall and Rise of Man

When man left the ground
To walk the days with God
Shoulder to shoulder in conversation
And no beast turned to stare
As if it were an unusual sight,
"Oh, there those two go again,
Sharing dreams and sketching plans,"
They shrugged, or didn't even notice
The comfortable silence between
Those who share the same breath,
Together in each other's presence
Like lovers the two were swooned;
Maybe the Lord whistled a tune,
While Adam admired the blooming roses
But surpassed the slither in the grass
Until the will gave way to an envious thought
And the descent of man began;
The Heavens grieved and bent
Pondering a redemption, a rebirth
Restart the course of the Universe
As man took the life of his own,
First one brother, then another
Divide and conquer, pillage and plunder
Across the ever striving land,
A constant source of remorse
But still glimmers of glory emerged -
The angel pinned beneath Jacob's thigh,
The waters split on either side
Or walls fell under shouts of praise
Obstacles in a heap, at their feet
And a giant under a single foot,
Slain by the toy of a boy,
All sown into the great unknown
But one man an even greater deed
Saw this whole world in a fright
Children in need, a father to please
Kill this increasingly rampant seed
Offer a trade for the future and past
With a gush, a flood of blood
Over wrong, over flesh, over death,
And all other costs to be lost
In a sigh of sadness of relief
By one who let go of his son;
The sky broke, cracked open wide
And the Earth followed its lead
Crumbling as it shook itself free
Of the burden it took on its knees
It sent out marvel, mirth, and mercy
Along the nerves of creation they ran
Like an electricity, like an affinity
Towards the irrefutable end,
And again, a perfect union was found
When man's body returned to the ground.



copyright 2009

Clock In, Clock Out

Employment at Border's Bookstore is underway. I can check off my first week, and still declare that I hardly know what I'm doing. Training, training, training. I have my sharp black t-shirt and dangling name tag, and have been practicing my annoying list of questions which lead customers into long sighs. No one has yelled at me yet, though I did receive a couple suspicious looks but I am expecting to feel like a complete idiot pretty soon as the holidays near and people flock to retail like sheep. There's an inner, and probably outer, struggle going on with the idea of working for a full-time career or just making due with unpredictable, odd and end jobs. The latter allows middle of the week breaks and morning bummin' around, but I'm already dealing with the phone calls out of nowhere, asking if I can cover a shift on short notice. That's not so cool. I'm attempting to get used to saying, "No" so hopefully it becomes easier and easier, to the point where I'm not feeling pressured or weak when I actually say yes. Let's hope so.

The Lord's Humor

My future surely holds such a daughter, I just know it. This is her getting ready before she performs as the lead guitarist at a bar rock show in which she'll stage dive into the crowd and decide to put her college education off even longer because she's hopelessly in love with her drummer.



picture via digital torment on flickr.

Blog On!

I've become rather fond of the whole blogging affair while abroad, but felt as though my previous blog captured my abroad experience just perfectly enough for me to leave it at that. So after a couple weeks going back and forth with wanting to simply continue with Penciling the Earth and new blog titles, here I am. I still consider myself somewhat in a transition stage, trying to adjust to everything from sleep and diet, to driving, to working overtime to not working at all to working part-time, to living back with my parents. It's a lot, but it was much more drastic on the other end so I think I can handle it just fine. I'm back at the YMCA filling in gaps here and there, and I'll be picking up some holiday hours at Border's Books. Neither are exactly career advancement positions, but they'll last me for a bit while I get my stuff together. I'm obviously looking for a full-time gig with benefits...which I didn't expect right away but is still a little disheartening when you find a job you actually want. The tendency to pressure myself and get down is still something I have to fight, even after I feel like I truly did do something extraordinary. It shouldn't be a feeling of disappointment or back peddling, merely a new season or chapter. And I have been LOVING my time this past month and a half. Mornings to read or write away at the coffee shop, afternoons to shop or nap, Saturdays at the winery or dinner with the folks, and entire days with my good friend and her sweet little baby. Sigh...